Flags

They walked briskly, trailing Skylar’s purposeful path. Tanner wove through the scattered mass. At the presumptuous age of seventeen, Tanner still submitted to Skylar’s will, be it they were an appointed authority, but as the mission trip had progressed, Tanner was more discerning as to when he heeded his spiritual guide’s words.

There were others in the group; Allen, the other chaperone, brought up the rear. He was the same age as Skylar, but their dynamic voiced a mutual understanding that they operated on alternate planes, his being a bit lower. Tanner came up with Allen in the church although ten years kept their births at bay. Tanner’s mother was the youth pastor, prior to Skylar’s hiring, and bridged the gap of familiarity in Tanner’s church life.

Tanner didn’t fully know why his mother resigned. She was well respected. There wasn’t a conversation held, even in passing, where her generosity and empathy wasn’t admired. Tanner was proud to know his community hailed his mother with such reverence. The pride of a pastor’s son. Nonetheless one night over a dinner of ham and broccoli casserole — the cheese crusted at the sides, some areas walking the tightrope between brown and burnt — she made Tanner aware of her decision to resign. It took him several days to digest the reality of his mother’s words. In front of his class as they were taking prayer requests he finally broke, his lip trembled amidst breathy heaves. Tears dribbled down his reddened cheeks, his fear of what was to come finally voiced.

A year passed, life did not change too much for Tanner. This was due to his mother’s undying duty to provide for her family. She took on two jobs working night and day while she searched for her passion. They continued to attend, however they sat several pews back from the religious spotlight. The senior members of the church stepped in to fill the void left by Tanner’s mother. And while the church did eventually find a replacement in Skylar, the echoes of their predecessor remained.

Between the adults, putting foot to pavement, Tanner was accompanied by Robb, Stella and Carmen. Robb was eighteen, recently graduated and off to conquer the world. That was Tanner’s summation of Robb’s captivating persona. He was goofy, but with reserve. There was a natural intent to his actions. He did not lose control as a fool would. Robb also had a predilection for the faith, he wished to be a pastor and come fall he would be off to seminary.

Carmen had noticeably developed an innocent fascination with Robb, her laughter rippled upon the dropping of his every word. It was not his sex she considered but his being. Her eyes told a thousand stories at once, but this particular narrative had focus. Tanner didn’t know too much of Carmen although they did attend the same church. Tanner felt askew in the social dynamic of the youth group, while he knew everyone, the intimacy that bobbed within each interaction had no anchor; if only his mother wasn’t in such a position of power.

Carmen’s fancies were alternatively specific to Tanner’s. Where he liked pop music, she reveled in the fluidity of the mosh. His romantic comedies were her horror flicks. His long nights at the mercy of the GameCube were her backwoods bashes fraught with the inevitable vices of adolescence. Their nuances were different and subconsciously Tanner could not reconcile her abnormalities. The final result was the passive understanding that his life was a little more impactful than hers.

Tanner didn’t think much of Stella as it was easy with her. To her the bit was sacred, and what followed were countless inside jokes, playful banter, and ironic jostling between the two. This wasn’t an exclusive experience, as this was how everyone got along with her. It would not be until years later Tanner would realize his perceived attention of Stella was not out of innocent friendship but a budding desire to possess. She was a beacon in the darkness. This was contrary to Carmen who had her bouts of brooding which were swiftly followed by moments of perplexing mania.

There is a reason we are how we are, but Tanner had not discovered the beauty of this notion. He did not think much of his own life, and upon colliding with Stella, found a distraction from his own insecurities. She was two years younger at fifteen and presented herself as a knowledgeable sage perched on the peak of a mountain. Her wisdom steeped in her lust for life.

They were going to start at the Pop and Drop, the highest incline in the Western Hemisphere. It was also the most popular ride in the park and always closed for maintenance throughout the day. This meant that they had to get there early in order to guarantee the experience. From there it didn’t matter where the day took them, only that if they wanted to do any water rides, they’d better do it right before lunch or at the end of the day. “You don’t want wet clothes riding other rides,” Skylar lectured.

They packed their own lunches and would have to leave the park to eat, as the trip was already over budget. Skylar listed the variety of rides they would patronize. The flutter of their eyes conveyed the excitement they felt, having attended every summer since they were a child, nostalgia is a powerful potion.

The herd of youths followed their shepherd as Skylar trotted with severe purpose. They led their flock to the base of the monstrous ride. Its yellow steel beams reached to the heavens casting a shadow over the lake. I’m out,” were the first words uttered. Carmen took a step back. Skylar’s head snapped in her direction. “Oh, come on! It’s not so bad once you do it.”

“I’m good, I don’t need to go up either,” Allen’s cheeks puffed in worry.

“Really?” Skylar was astonished at the apprehension of the group.

“Yeah, it’s really high and…” Allen trailed off, his sentence in no need of finishing.

“I don’t have to go either,” Stella chimed in moving towards Carmen who already began to distance herself from the convened circle. Skylar’s adolescent frustration was evident, “Come on guys…”

“You know I’m going.”

“Me too.” Tanner didn’t have much enthusiasm for heights and took it upon himself to live a life absent of risk when he could. Why swim when you can bask on land? Why fly when you can take the train? Why play football when the green club’s agenda is much more fulfilling? But over the course of the week he had grown to respect Robb. So much so he would stomach his fears in order to experience life with him. Skylar’s demeanor loosened as they had company on this cavernous coaster.

Lunch came around. Soaked from head to toe, not only from the rain that chose to rest over the park, but also the repeated riding of raucous river rapids. The group ate their slew of sandwiches. In a post-ravenous stupor a silence fell over the van. Stella’s nails fileted the knots in Tanner and Robb’s hair as they rested their heads on the back of the scratchy seat as she grazed their scalps with the tips of her fingers.

Allen looked on from the passenger seat through the mirror having noticed the popularity of this behavior amongst the children for whom he was responsible. The bulge of discomfort grew in his throat, constricting his courage and opinion of proper behavior. However, upon a visual survey of the occupants of the vehicle, concluded nothing could be done as he was the outlier.

Carmen sat disengaged in the back of the van. It was unclear whether she was awake, her chin rested on her chest as she wedged her shoulder against the window. Every once and a while she appeared to look up, but Skylar couldn’t be sure. Carmen had been despondent the entire return trip from Detroit which was uncharacteristic to how the rest of the trip had gone. Head cocked over their shoulder, the lids to Skylar’s eyes pursed as they inquisitively inferred on Carmen’s disposition.

“Carmen! Wake up!”

“I am awake.”

Skylar waited for Carmen to acknowledge them. Finally Carmen raised her eyes, however her eyes never fully met Skylar’s. “Your hand isn’t getting tired is it?” Allen interjected as Stella continued to massage her comrade’s heads.

“Not particularly.” Stella observed Carmen’s misplaced urgency, “But I could focus better on one.” Stella surrendered Robb’s scalp, and motioned for Carmen to take her place. A smile cracked Carmen’s emotionally muted face as she tousled Robb’s hair with her hand. Skylar’s eyes lingered on Carmen, skeptical of her donned contentedness.

Stamps verified by the underpaid workers at the gate, the group blissfully glided back into the park. No longer did the sodium-filled options at Panda Express tantalize the teens, or the over-priced paddies spark a yearning in the youth. The games however, still had a chance. Both Robb and Tanner tried their hand at the basket challenge, neither making more than three shots. Stella returned from the side of the stall to protest that the rim was oblong, and that a ball could not fit. She was instantly proven wrong as the carnie sunk two balls back to back; money and dignity gone.

They queued at the corkscrew, and Tanner and Carmen both wretched at its conclusion. Allen procured sourdough from his pack and offered it to the duo, Tanner gratefully took it, although Carmen remained adamant in her displeasure of the dough. They swapped horror stories of derailments and beheadings as they waited in line for a rickety ride that appeared to be built at the turn of the century.

In line at the rapids again to Skylar’s chagrin, Robb’s gregarious nature attracted the attention of a group of teens younger than himself ahead of them. The groups merged, introducing themselves, playing twenty questions and eye-spy as they passed the time. Carmen shrunk to the back of the group uninterested in making new friends.

Soaked to the bone Tanner and Robb dried their clothes under the smallest of automatic hand-dryers. Stretching the fabric as tight as they could, crouching under the spout of hot air. Shirts, socks and shoes semi-dry, semi-soaked, the gang dried in the sun as they determined what they would do with the remainder of their time as the sun began to set. They had several hours ahead of them to dry and Skylar did not like to drive in the dark, regardless of Allen’s offer to chauffeur the group into the night.

That is when Tanner spotted it, a jolt of excitement transmitted up his spine. The stimulus to this reaction was a one-hundred dollar bill aimlessly scratching the surface of the concrete walkway before him. No one else seemed to notice, and before they did he bounded over to the bill and procured it for himself, looking around all the while. He returned with a massive grin on his face. “What’s got you all energized?”

“I found a hundred on the ground!”

At once all the teens lit up, excited and jealous of this discovery. They called to see it, and Tanner carefully procured it from his pocket. The group marveled, but it was short lived. “Where did you find it?”

Tanner’s expression dropped. He knew what was to come when he realized he didn’t have to tell Skylar. He couldn’t recall any creed that bound him to answer truthfully or informatively. “I just found it on the ground.”

“Where on the ground?” The struggle for power had commenced. On one side the former prince of the church — and if you polled the congregation he very well may have still held that position. — and the mentor of the adolescent masses on the other.

“What’s it matter?” Tanner did not break his gaze with Skylar.

“Because someone will be missing it.”

“How do you know?”

Back and forth they went neither budging on the other, and all the while the discourse got all the more disrespectful on all accounts. When Allen shrieked. “Carmen what are you doing?” All eyes pivoted on the child as she held a soda can tab in her grasp over her arm. Several small red protrusions ran parallel to each other. Freshly cut. Her face was expressionless, as she continued to filet her arm with the piece of aluminum.

Skylar’s meaty hands reached across the table and grasped at the tab. It was not an easy feat prying the piece from Carmen, but after some brute force Skylar succeeded. They pocketed it and directed their rage toward Carmen. “Really Carmen!? What are you thinking?” Carmen did not reply, only shrunk further into her hoodie, she pulled the edges of her sleeves up over her forearm and retreated into its openings like a turtle.

Skylar continued, “Why would you even do a thing like that?” Everyone was silent. “Come with me.” Skylar stood and grabbed Carmen by the arm. The two walked a distance, before Skylar began their one-sided inquisition.

Stella looked on with empathy then to Robb at a loss. Robb knowing what he would do, but also his place in the group dynamic sat quietly for he would approach Carmen later with a hug, he looked to Allen to help, to do something. Allen glanced down at their phone blocking out the noise.

Tanner took it all in, unsure what he just witnessed. Was she cutting? I didn’t see any blood? Does that matter? Why is Skylar yelling at her? His train of thought never got to asking why she might be cutting, as a blanket of guilt swaddled him. Tanner stood, hundred in hand, and walked over to where he found it. Nearby, seated at a table enjoying their fried chicken and pop, a mother and her two children feasted. Tanner tapped the mother on the shoulder, “I think you dropped this.” The woman started, her eyes widening. “Oh, thank you honey.”

Tanner stole a glance back at Skylar and Carmen who were returning to the table, neither speaking. “No problem.”